Issues & Bad News

Good Afternoon People! I hope everyone's day is going great! The sun is shining here & I intend to get out and enjoy it some.
Yesterday I had all intentions of getting on here and pouring myself onto the net....however I had to deal with my stepson's mother. There was teacher meeting the previous evening & I went with my husband but I didn't get to attend the meeting because the mother had a fit, I mean a total blow up in front of school fit! So, she gave me a ring ring on the phone.  My step son is eight yrs old & is the world to me. I can't have any children of my own, so I consider him my son. We have a great bond, I never expect him to call me mom and I never will take the place of his mommy. However, I am a woman & as a woman I have mothering ways about me. I want to see him excel in everything he does and want the best for him always! He's a second grader & he's a very smart boy. But he's not applying himself like he should be or could be. He stays with his mother, she is the 'primary parent'. Now, I'm not going to say bad things about this woman but I will speak the truth. In the end the truth always prevails. I will say this, he is very sheltered & does not have the social skills like he should. That also came from the teachers mouth but daddy & I already knew that. He wasn't sent to pre-school alot, he was enrolled but she wanted him home with her.  Lacking the needed social skills is bothersome to my Husband & I. We do what we can when we have him here at our home. It's not very often, only every other weekend & 3 hours on a week night. My husband is a great father..he goes above & beyond for lil guy, the love between them is awesome, amazing & one of a kind. As every GOOD dad is with their son but better, but then I'm biased too haha But, he pays child support, he wants to see his son, he wants more time with his son & is never granted it by the mother. If it was had her way she would keep him all to herself.....she has put some disturbing ideas into the childs head, things that lil guy has said to us are way out there...for example "Mommy says she can't breathe when I'm not there, Mommy says you(daddy) don't love him as much as his mommy & that if it wasn't for mommy I wouldn't have been born, she did it all, daddy didn't have a part in it" Thus leading into the birds & the bees conversation & Lil guy sees things in a different light now.  I can't even fathom the things that he says sometimes. This is a childs life, a childs mind that is being messed with.  However I am confident lil guy will see what's being done as gets older, infact, he already has seen somethings & said somethings to his Daddy & I that tells us that he sees what kind of manipulating she has done. So when all is said & done this will come back to her and she will have to answer some questions from her son. Never ever is she bad mouthed by us in front of the child, I do know of one instance where she had called (daddy) stupid to the child. I know this because she had called to see if he could come over & fix something of lil guys. We went over there & he fixed it, then lil guy said 'See mom I told you dad was not stupid'.....what the world?! So she called me yesterday starting off with an apoligy because she had said some nasty things to me before the teacher meeting. We were on the phone for quite some time & as the conversation progressed she kept saying I don't understand why you don't want to be my friend....really?! I speak my mind & I'm brutely honest I told her... You speak at me & say nasty things. I don't want to involve myself with that kind of 'friend' I told her I would continue to be nice, respectful & keep the peace for one reason & one reason only.....The child. The conversation was very much needed & I had gotten alot off my chest with her. I was nice & respectful to her. She now knows where I stand & I'm thankful for that. It was way overdue. Like five years overdue! I pray for her & will continue to pray for her. There is always hope, hope that she can come terms that I am in his life & I am his step mom. Lil guy accepts me, our bond & knows I'll always be there for him & would do anything for him.  All I can do is pray & love lil guy unconditionally.
It had seemed like the day I recieved several phone calls....a dear friend of mine called asking about my cancers & told me a dear family member had just found out she had breast cancer. Lukily it had been caught early, stage one. No matter what stage the cancer, hearing that you have cancer is very scary & many things run through the brain. Many, if not every single emotion you have, you go through. This is the Bad News.  
I told my dear friend that she could give her my number & I would chat with her. We also became friends on a social networking site.....I emailed her last night a nice long email introducing myself & describing my first initial thoughts & feelings on when I first found out I had cancer in 08. Told her I'd be there for her if she needed someone, sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't really know who's been there. I got up this morning & she had replied.....I cried when I read her email, she told me she had been praying for someone like me. That just tugged at my heart strings. She seems to have a wonderful support group /family & friends. That's so very important. I know for me when I had my first cancer I had the support of family & friends, it made me feel better. I knew I had people to turn to & could talk to. I also found out who my TRUE friends were. Sadly it takes something so horrible to actually find out who your friends are. But I wouldn't trade the few Amazing Friends I have for a hundred friends. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I'm blessed & lucky to have such amazing friends & family in my life.
I'm going to be keeping in touch with my new friend & I'm going to help her out as much as I can. That's the bad news I recieved :(  I feel like I have a calling within this, like this is what I was meant to do, help others through their tough time, while battling cancer. Heck, I'm a self proclaimed 'vet' I have had cancer two times within the past 3 years. I survived both times when the odds were stacked against me. Both cancers were stage 3. And carrying a gene that makes the cancer grow rapidly & being very aggressive. I carry the HER2 gene. Luckily I don't carry the BRAC1 gene. I'm still going through IV theapy & I will find out if I have to undergo radiation on the left side in a few weeks. I am staying positive & whatever the outcome, it's for the best.
So, as for today, I'm thanking The Good Lord for another day, for a beautiful day....it's sunny & about 50 degrees. Spring is just around the corner & I'm happy for that. I am not a big fan of cold weather. I'll be getting into my cancer tomorrow. My first cancer. Today I'm going to soak up some sunshine & take it easy, my lymphodema is acting up & the nerve damage that has been done to my left side is giving me fits today. So until then, I hope everyone has a blessed day & remember.....if things seem to be falling apart or just not going your way DO NOT give up. There is always HOPE, do not give up on hope. With every negative there is a positive. It's up to you to see it, find it & hang onto it, because there is HOPE. God Bless

I'm Broken

I'm trying to find a way to get better. I'm broken so to speak. Who isn't broken? No one person is 'perfect' or 'normal'. Everyone has something they are going through....my doctor suggested that I blog. Here I am, for all to see! I'm not sure if I'll get any readers or followers, it would be kinda cool I guess. Let me tell you a little about myself.
I'm Little Lou, a nickname I've had for many years now. I'm 31 years old & I've fought breast cancer twice. I won the first battle in 08 and I seem to be winning this round too. I've filled up with alot of emotions throughout this journey.....the good, the bad, the ugly. It's not the bad or the ugly that everyone sees, I hold that in and keep it close to me. I wanna explode at times. I talk to my husband about the bad & the ugly & a girlfriend of mine....we'll call her 'birdie'. Birdie brings alot to the table when I'm down & out. She has overcome an addiction and she is such an inspiration to me. She too is a fighter & she knows exactly what to say to me when I need a pep talk. She's an amazing woman & I'm blessed to have her in my life as my best friend. My other best friend is my husband, luckily we have that bond too. He is my everything. He has kept me grounded, all the while keeping himself grounded without breaking down. O.K. Let's rephrase that....He hasn't completely broke down & stopped. He has had his moments, yet he carry's on. He carry's on for me, for him, for our family. I can't imagine if the rolls were reversed, him with the cancer & I on the sidelines wanting to take it all away from him. We're all dealing with this in our own way. We have all come out remarkable, I think.
Cancer SUCKS!!! I'm wanting to 'set the scene' by going back several years. Right now, present day I'm alive! I wake up everyday Thanking The Good Lord for another day. I've beat cancer once already & I'm beating it again.
I wanted to get the blog started today, to get a feel of it. I don't have much time today to blog, however tomorrow brings a new day with more free time. So for now, as I have been for a while, I'm still broken.
I encourage comments, *if there are any readers* ;) I encourage those who are having a 'rough patch' to keep fighting. Keep fighting because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!  I said earlier I've only shown the bad & ugly to few......I've kept a smile on my face & a positive attitude throughout all the while fighting cancer.  I'm going to open up & share the bad & ugly here in this blog, eventually. I'm very lucky, very blessed & loved. I love life & I will forever be one of those forever optimists! Life is too short to live it any other way. There is always good that comes from something bad.....
Until tomorrow, God Bless :)